my poems:)

The Trial

Dreams are lined up agianst the wall,

As if your posing for mugshots.

Sentenced to life imprisotnment for a crime you did not commit,

We were all cast aways, all felt the heat of the world "Your A Failure".

We were told were not good enough,

not "right" enough to fit in.

And so they came here to the place of forgotten dreams.

A Lost Steering Wheel

Before I stepped off the sidewalk,

Straight down to the black top.

You brushed my hand,

In the median I glanced over my shoulder,

Why weren't you there?

A face unfamiliar, a hand grasping mine.

Different feelings, a whole new world.

Why weren't you in it?

Guidances absent, I found my own way.

And at the end of the maze, Will you be there?

Lost at sea

I feel them in my hand,

Organized and stacked,

They shiver and they chatter,

The noise doesn't matter,

But what is noise in a space like this,

Alone and echo free,

With no one present to hear my call,

Does it exist or not?

I feel my body rock back and forth,

The cold makes me feel numb,

Thus leaving silence for all my thoughts,

Screaming as they come,

My eyes are stressed open, yet all is black,

I slowly drift on my back,

The only light I see is a distant star,

The closest companion yet oh so far,

My weak arm reaches for the star,

Never have I seen such a starry night,

The wave stir, providing hope.

A distant voice says "grab this rope"

With no more waves to keep me warm ,

And a lack of painful silence,

 I know no star will be as bright as i float on my back on this starry night:)

Myself

I'm the suffocated coal miner, the teenage flatliner, that designated drunk driver thrown under the wheel, im the anorexic starver, the cancer patients daughter, that one perfect carver hospitalized because i told the truth, i'm the 22 year old widow, the OI baby to fragile to hold, that one gambler who just can't fold so he hides his addiction, i'm the suicidal teacher and the sinful daughter of the preacher, that one girl with not one skinny feature that alot of people avoid.

I'm someone i wish i wasn't, the person counting the wars i've fought, that one right hack that gets me caught, i'm all of these people cramed into one, that last standing warrior who would have won, the idiot searching for that one piece to the puzzle, i was trying to find myself.

Opening up finally,

alrighty then.
was just on my yearbook and someone asked me when i was gonna post agian...feels weird. i guess i have a fan:)

Recently actually two days ago i walked all the way to philly. it took me 16 hours:p man did that suck. then last night i stayed with my friend craig and his roomates. it was fucking crazy. i had a lil too much to drink and smoked a lil to much. i was deff trippin balls. so i did relapse. im really ashamed of myself at this point, but i guess i gotta start all over.

Right now at this point i really do wanna get fans. im trying to get lots of support. so im willing to put my address and shit up so you can write me a letter if you like. to tell me what you think.

Info.

 

regular facebook page.  https://www.facebook.com/lilitalianmeatball
modeling page.  https://www.facebook.com/BriellaSuicide

briella sorrentino
6 hillcrest place
sellersville pa 18960

house number:2155276947

just another day..

today is just another day. one of the hellish days a person like me would live:( im really struggling with the things in my life at the moment. i dont know if ill feel better about how things are for awhile.but my next blog will be better and longer. bye<3

whats wrong with me

Im sicker then ever. already got into an argument wit my nana. What the fuck? all i do is reach her expectations all the time  even if im sick or hurt because i care about how people feel about me. so ive been pushing myself the last two weeks to go to school. even though im really sick,sunburnt, and so stressed out that i have panic attacks 3 times a day...im pushing myself past my limits to be perfect and then i never get anything in return not even one bit of respect. i dont care one bit if they try to do something to make me goto school. im not going and thats final. i cant keep putting myself through something that is affecting me big time. all i want is for everyone to lay off while i try to get my life together. its hard enough as it is. but i dont need all these fuckin grimlins on my ass. i have nothing left to say about this. and i just believe im being discriminated against. i dont know anymore. does anyone have any advice?

naughty freestyle:D

bitch hop off my shit. suck on sum dick. stop stalking my life just for a kick. i aint makin no deal. im keepin' real, keep fuckin wit me and you will see a bullet in your head for fuckin with brie:) i'm only spittin these lines just for a dime. your fuckin with me and you will soon see. it will bite you in the ass and punch you in your nads. once you fuck with my mind ill just spit outta rhyme. i aint gonna be spittin out them kind ass rhymes. your gonna make your life hell for tryin to fuck wit dis girl. see you walkinn down the street, i walk over in a creep, and pop a cap in your ass and then dick it on out real fast. see your body on the news. party wit my crew. ill fuck with your life with one slit of a knife. no crying for mama cuz you brought up all dis drama. you fucked with the wrong lette. thats why i got my glock to your head. but i aint gonna kill you yet. im gonna make you pay for fuckin up my day. i got blood on my shirt from draggin  your corpse to the curb. im so fuckin pissed so ima just throw your fuckin body in a ditch. dont even bother ill go tell your mama. no more need for your bullshit and drama. see then i got the time to snort at least one line. doped up and gone so ill just eat out yo mom. to make her feel better about losin your ass and findin someone better. ill get her that dime and smoke her up all night, and then go for round 2 cuz thats what she wanna do. to bad aint nobody wanted to fuck wit you. i stopped the drama, i ate out your mama, im probably not the person you wanted to bother. i hope you regret fuckin wit my head, you just saw what happend when you fucked with a down ass juggalette. i may sound like shit spittin my rhymes all about you dyin. disrespectin you bitch because you a fuckin dick. u cant mess up my flow at least im makin that doe. while you layin  bleedin like a bitch cuz you had to be a fucking snitch. im not sad im not mad i just love blowing off your dad. then shove it down my throat untill i reach his nads, i wont choke on that shit cuz i always lick that dick. while your not around i show im that im down with the clown, face paint on, lickin his balls, check in with me and ill do that jobs. ill lay on that bed and force down his head so he can beat up this shit and get his face paint all over my  thighs while my pussy get wet. i like a surprise so bite on my thighs. get me off real quick so i can suck on your shit. after your done. im on to the next one. ridinn in that taxi, chillin in that back seat, rolling up that j so i can soar through my day. light it up  and blow out the kronic. walk out that taxi, spit in that  backseat ,just walk the fuck away and yell have a nice fuckin day. i dont wanna go home cuz i wanna give some dome to that sexy ass clown who name is shaggy 2 dope. but i aint gonna be fuckin cuz he probably already tookinn. so ima think about  the dirtball and me havin that dirty and rough sex. id give that king some dome after he takes me home hopefully he aint a guy that would pull out some chrome. im a dirty girl with a mind of my own. living each day stoned. so suck on some dick and go down and lick. just finish me off so i can do my job. spittin these rhymes all of the time. true juggalette makin you sweat ,when you hear me rap your pants start to split. im the fucking shit, makin you wanna hit, to bad you aint cute ima just give you that boot to the side, and make moves on your girl thats a juggalette.im done with your ass so gimmie that cash. before i lay you out. ima real fuckin homie just letting you get to know me. im 4-20 friendly and im always gonna be ready for whatever you got, share that pot. blow out that smoke take a bong toke. show you that im down with clown and im freestylin now.

thanks:)

People thanks for reading my blog. there will be plenty more to come. ill be typing up more stuff ina few. im just trying to think about what i should share next. ill move onto a happier topic though. my first post was to give you an idea about what im going through. ighteee peacee<3

Lashing Out.

Right now i'm feeling as though my nerves are going crazy. I feel like crap. I'm really nervous. I'm also feeling like I don't belong. I've been feeling unwelcomed. Right now at this point I really wanna stop going to school. When I walk into a room, I get stares. I don't know why but it makes me feel even worse... it tears me apart that people are already talking about me and giving me dirty looks. Like I don't understand. No one ever gets to know me first. So why judge? I don't really show the pain that i'm in... but i'm in more then I should be. I can't express how much i'm hurting because i feel like no one will listen and no one cares. I've been holding myself together by thinking about the good things in my life. But I realize that the scars holding in and showing the wrongs in my life are coming back. I don't like that i'm using, I don't like that i have sex so i feel pretty, and i dont like that i put myself down so much. i just really wanna be alone... isolated away from the rest of the world. Everywhere i go i feel pain. Everywhere i look on my body i see scars that mean something, each and every one of them have a meaning that only brings back flashbacks when you look at them. I just wish people would realize how much i have changed. but i dont think people will forgive me for my past. i wish they would. i still do drugs, i still fight, and i wanna stop but i dont think i have enough support. me venting on this paper is making me feel like an asshole. im only doing it so i dont have a breakdown. i have to show that im a strong individual. i havent cried in forever, i show my pain by lashing out on the wrong people. i never mean to hurt anyone. i know all i want is for people to trust me. i keep repeating shit on this paper. obviously its really bothering me. i need that one person to save me from myself. i also have one thing that im proud of right now and that not falling into the grip of a razor blade again. ive thought about it but i dont wanna ruin how far i made it. Thinking i wasnt gonna make to 16. but i did. im a fighter and always will fight for what i want. i think me staying strong even though every inch of me is a blackhole of pain. me being strong helps alot of people. alot of people would break if i wasnt strong. like Cole, Ambyr, And My Grandparents. The only thing i feel understands me is this shitty piece of paper and the one i dream about when im high. im a troubled girl and me being at school is making all my troubles show. im not trying to screw up. im happy for myself. i hope sooner or later people will help me and support me. while im here ill most likely keep to myself and hold everything in. I will just go home at the end of the day, lay in bed, and try to cry. i feel like right now i have one foot on the gas and one foot in the grave. im on the road i dont wanna be on. you know Maryjane ave.

Me on that route is asking for trouble and always at the end of that road your in a casket because of an overdose or suicide. it all starts with weed i swear. i dont wanna get worse, but i know its gonna happen. i dont wanna get worse. but i know its gonna happen. i dont wanna run into anymore problems. i already do enough harm. ive got the life of a JUNKIE.

1.) I smoke daily                                  

2.) I'm depressed

3.) I run away from my problems.

4.) I drink

5.) I'm crying out silent screams that no one can hear

6.) I'm not letting anyone in

7.) I'm on the road to being a nothing

Ive never liked the lifestyle ive lived. i really wish i was someone else. me writing all of this down isnt helping. ill probably write on 12 sheets of paper and get no where. im falling apart. the pain is eating away from the inside out. i dont understand why. im a monster and im out of control. ill never be able to live a good life because im always fucking up.

Things I Fucked Up.

1.) My Life because im a out of control person who only thinks about them selfs.

2.)My Family because i tore them apart and put them through hell and ive hurt them in so many ways.

3.) My Sanity because im just going insane without the help of someone who can help me through the pain of withdrawl.

4.) The Family I Made  because i gave up the one thing thats really gonna help, and thats my daughter, Destiny. I had to fuck up what i had with her. id be okay if i never gave her up for adoption. shes my motivation.

I dont even know what to say anymore. im on my last straw. i dont like the feelings im having, there scaring me. im scared of myself... and dont know if  i should keep crying out for help because if i do ill get myself into trouble possibly. all these thoughts that run through my mind all day everyday are the things slowly killing me. just tearing away at the cover hiding it all. if i go into the community i might lash out... i dont want it to get out of control. i really just want a couple of days to myself... away from everyone. i just wanna punch shit and yell. me coping right now is still not helping! nothings helping. all i want to do is smoke some bud and forget about the life i should be paying attention too. like i said im a monster. i dont consider myself a person! why wont fucking people listen to me. just listen! what the hell im frusterated. im about to give up on all my goals in life. im about to say fuck school,work, family, and myself. if no ones gonna help then why do i even keep trying. i shouldnt try if i dont have a shoulder to lean on or a person to depend on. i dont have anyone or anything... its just me now. im on my own. so i hope that me giving up on my ways of living gets me somewhere good or even makes me stronger then most people. the world around me is crashing down. im in my safe shell avoid what i got myself into.

But the one thing i hate the most is my drug problem. i dont think my actions are going to progress but my tolerance for drugs will get higher and im gonna do myself wrong and fuck up. ill probably move on to something hardcore. something that will make me an actual junkie. if it happens like that then im screwed. ill end up just like my mother and thats the one thing i dont want. i dont wanna be a deadbeat or a crackhead. i wanna be remembered by the sucessful things ive done in life. but for now ill be alone, broken, and not sucessful. i hate that all of this stuff i have held inside is just being thrown onto a piece of paper. its no help. im not getting feedback or advice. all this is are words i only see and understand. not words that someone will see and comfort me while they tell me they understand. if people really cared i wouldnt be sitting in this white square room alone, id have someone here with me giving a shit. im tired of all the hurt and people that dont wanna understand. im sick of people taking advantage of me. i wanna change but since im on my own ill have a long list of events to accomplish. so me doing it alone will take awhile to get use to. im not doing anything good now so im hoping that will change. i hope i find one person i can reach out to and they'll understand. i have one person already and that is my boyfriend, Cole. hes my boyfriend and best friend. hes the only person who really listens. and also hes my everything, i dont know what i would do without him. but he is also so far away. all sorts of shit is affecting me. i know i keep repeating myself but its because im trying to make all the anger, sadness, and anxity go away. its just not working yet. its hard to make it go away and its deff not a short process. i just cant controll my actions anymore so im just going to write untill it works. i have alot to say and now is my time to do it since no one else is helping. i dont have the support i need so i will find a way to supply it myself. im writing some stuff out of anger. i hate when i babble like this. but it just us all hitting me now. i wanna try to be perfect for everyone, but obviously the real me is coming out onto this paper. people dont know i act like someone im not to hide the flaws that i really have that are being held hostage inside the body im in. i really think im fucking up. i know im slowly losing the good things in my life. im just a mess. i just dont wanna face reality...i wanna live lies. its dumb how im thinking that writing on this paper is helping. i know its not so why try. even though everything i write is definantly the real deal. no lies at all. i show the real me at times like this and dont know why. im not really understanding why i do this. i dont know why im seeong if this shit called writing will work agian. it use to work when i wrote but not anymore ever since i started using i havent had an easy time with it. i dont think its healthy that i did this stuff to my body. im bringing up shit that i dont need on my mind all day because once its started it never stops. im just... i dont know. hopefully ill be able to read this to someone someday... just so they can try to understand what i feel every second of the day and to step into my shoes to think about what would happen if they were me. i cant even think straight anymore. im really crying out for help, can you tell? people get annoyed when i do open up or they judge me. i hate that shit. i think that why i feel so low of myself. obviously i really hate being judged. its affects me more then anything. thats why im crashing and falling apart. i feel like im being judged everywhere. i really hate this feeling. i wish we didnt feel pain. sometimes i just wish i could runaway and no one will try to find me. i wish people were alot nicer. i wouldnt have these problems. id think better of myself. people just see me as a junkie, slut, and bitch. those are all labels ill always have. they really affect me. people dont know that words are the main reason for my issues. only if people notice that there hurting me. but sadly they dont. i hate that people never give me a chance. if i had a chance to erase all my labels i would. i would be really happy and not depressed. i wouldnt have these scars, i wouldnt have these drugs in my system, and i wouldnt wanna break down. if i didnt have the verbal abuse i get on a regular basis it wouldnt hurt as bad. people never know how words can really hurt. it effects everyone differently. i take a huge emotional toll when shit happens. i let it affect me more then it should. i really dont know why it hurts so bad. but i feel like shit. thats all i know. i just want people to grow up and leave me alone. it wouldnt hurt like this. i wish i wasnt visible to the world or at least everything would change. this stuff is bringing alot of emotions out. and im trying so hard to keep my cool. im trying to not cry or freak out. its only hurting me. but im really noticing that all of this is the cause of my problems. i just hope that they go away. i wish i didnt have emotions. but all this writing feels good. but its not going to change anything im feeling. alot of people would find this bullshit but not me. its true life for me. its getting intense by each moment. i have alot more to say but i know i will get upset. im taking in so much at once. life would be alot better if no one had problems. i want all my stress to just go. i hope i change some day because my biggest fear is worrying me. i dont wanna get locked up or die. im terrified to die... ecspecially if drugs take my life. i dont really know what else to say...